all i want want want

maybe if i just... i would be happy.

*lived life like a joni mitchell song
*had a road bike instead of a mountain/bmx hybrid
*had a long wig in bouncey blonde and dark and mysterious brunette one
*went on more dates
*wasnt allergic to so many things
*had a cleaner room and i could find something, anything
*had overseas plans i was excited about. an escape plan of any kind
*could get the books i wanted from the library and didnt have to order them from the states
*could be bothered to go to yoga and be the fit & flexible person i dream of
*could back up my lifes work on my computer without it doing weird shit and corrupting files
*had headphones that didnt press on my ears and give me headaches
*lived in a different city
*had gotten into uni and not just shortlisted, or applied to more than one uni
*had the fifth season of the L word waiting here for me to watch
*had an honest conversation with you about what is going on and how we both actually felt
*could eat sugar without it fucking me up. ditto for coffee
*find out who the designer was for these awesome hot purple platforms i saw on tv
*went to my mums house and my dog was still there and i could pat her
*rewind time and do it all again
*didnt have a house with such a seriously bizarre and all consuming ant problem that i can only be apathetic about
*had more people around me that creatively stimulated me or could actually have plans that stick with people that are around, here, somewhere
*was happy with what i had instead of what i think i need or want